‘Happiness is not achieved by constant pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities’. – Aldous Huxley.

As I ride through the city, crossing the lush green parks, I feel puzzled by the thought, ‘what does it mean to be happy?’ and I begin to ponder over it.

I have heard people say, ‘you must choose to be happy’,  How do you ‘choose happiness?’ I wonder.

Your partner and you just parted ways after being together for years. You’ve been lied to by the closest of your family and it’s difficult for you to trust them anymore. How are you supposed to ‘choose happiness’ at such times, without making sense of what happened?

Phrases that I couldn’t make sense of, ‘Be happy’ and ‘Stay positive’

What do these words mean?

‘Be happy’ – how am I supposed to be happy while I am suffering?

Can I ‘be happy’ even while I am experiencing stress and I am in a state of mind where everything seems too confusing?

We are taught to remain in a ‘happy state of mind’ because that’s what a ‘normal person’ is like. You may achieve happiness after a glass of wine, after meeting a friend or your partner or a member of your clan. But does it entail that you are ‘truly happy’?

Affirmations like ‘positive vibes only’ and ‘be happy’ have been pushed as a state of mind that should be given utmost importance in our life. I believe, a person is a collection of various thoughts and emotions. Being happy and being optimistic are good aims to have but, they cannot be achieved by ignoring our reality.

Various positivity-related content is available; motivational videos, positivity-loaded Instagram posts, blogs on ‘how to remain happy’ are afloat across social media. Perhaps, they may boost your mood, making you feel ‘light’ or ‘motivated’ for a while. But you would also notice that the feelings neither last long nor have a substantial impact on you to bring about any real change. For that change to take place in your state of mind, recognising and accepting your feelings while examining the source from which such feelings arise is important.

You may have heard people say, ‘with time’ you will feel better. Entertain this phrase and think for a moment, do you believe that your feelings right now, considering say the source of your misery, would simply go away with time? Indeed, your troubles at the moment may take a backseat for a while but they will certainly come back to trouble you until they are resolved.

Rather than controlling and avoiding your thoughts, apply the art of Socratic questioning; try having a dialogue with yourself like Socrates. Entertain the thoughts you have and ask yourself about the origin of those thoughts. Are they true? Do they have any valid foundation? Or do they spring from ‘false beliefs’ that you may have about yourself? Try observing yourself and your situation from a distance, how you would view it if a friend or family were in a similar situation?

So, ‘what does it really mean to be happy?’ ‘How would you really enjoy spending your life?’ – with these questions in mind while riding around a beautiful lake, I am reminded of Alan Watts’ quote, ‘Live fully in the now. Find fulfilment in living, living in the now.’  And to live with fulfilment, I must be present in the ‘now’.